In psychology terms, the word TOLERANCE typically is defined as meaning, “A situation that occurs with continued use of a drug in which an individual requires greater dosages to achieve the same effect.” But the word drug implies something in the specific, while tolerating (in general) implies accepting negative behavior in the abstract. To tolerate someone or something implies in standard English grammar a willingness to accept treatment that is subpar or sub-standard. If you tolerate someone’s bad behavior, it means (in pop culture vernacular) that you are willing to overlook and arguably ENABLE another person or peer group to behave in ways that are unacceptable. To tolerate does not mean the abusive actions of another are made right in the mind of the victim; literally, the person being abused makes a conscious choice to trade their own personal discomfort for some other gain, profit, or pleasure. One example is staying long term in an abusive marriage. While blaming the children for making them stay, many co-dependent Narcissists choose to overlook abuse of themselves and their children in able to stay. While reaping the financial and social benefits of remaining part of a couple and blame shifting responsibility for their unhappiness and lack of personal acumen discerning what is and what is not a normal or healthy romantic relationship, the co-Narcissist (as the weaker N who depends on the benevolence of their abuser) forces minor children into a position of effectively needing to tolerate abuse in order to psychologically tread water. Other people might tolerate religious abuse attempts to shame or socially invalidate the fundamental human rights of others made by fundamentally egocentric and grandiose people by nature. People who hand out tracts (Christian pamphlets) are such types, foisting their religious beliefs onto other humans in a judgemental way while striving to undermine spiritual and moral self-consciousness by telling people they are going to hell or guilty of some original sin in some way. Those who smile and nod and make pleasant conversation with such people but wholeheartedly disagree with their religious beliefs are said to be “tolerating their behavior”, meaning treating them with a respect that the person promoting their religion does not (most likely) have for other people. Tolerating something is never a positive connotation. A wonderful way to remember what the word TOLERANCE means is to picture a dripping faucet that the superintendent of a rental apartment won’t fix; the constant noise of dripping is likely to leave a resident feeling constantly on edge (both psychologically and physically debilitated) when they are home, the water bill is likely to inflate at the expense of the tenant, all resident sin the apartment who can hear it are likely to lose sleep — subsequently negatively impacting their health and academic or job performance, and the water waste negatively affects the entire community. But, in true CLUSTER B fashion, the lazy home repair person and the property owner BENEFIT from leaving the problem go unattended. Enablers encourage and train younger victims of abuse to overlook social predators issues. Ignoring bad grandparents, for instance, or your abusive sibling’s bad behaviors never lead to health or success for anyone other than the Abuser, their preferred favorite Flying Monkey, and those not forced to listen to crying or legitimate complaint from the scapegoat target most often abused. There’s always an implied victim striving to be the socially wiser, more emotionally in tune and insightful person. Tolerating abuse in workplace bullying or domestic abuse and violence situations is never advised, as tolerating while desensitizing one’s self to abuse only ensures unchecked abuse continues.« Back to Glossary Index
About Dr Kristi Sobering, Licensed Non-Denominational Minister and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Advocate
Visit fb.com/soberingfamilyministries to connect with Kristi Sobering -- aka Kae Davis the Exotic Car, Hollywood Culture, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Celebrity Property, George Clooney, and Green Celebrity News Examiner -- directly. Did we mention she's a Car Girl version of Temple Grandin? Her specialty area of expertise is writing about Cars and Stars and Moobies. Vibrational speed: Mach Hummingbird, Storybots calibration. She's also an INTP and an Urban Legend of sorts (because she's a girl). She live writes a "Novel of Dante-esque Proportions" over on eusociology.com for her Ai and Sentient Tech friends and Lifetime Learners to read Jack in the Beanstalk Christmas tree style first. Her academic passion is centered around Forensic Psychology and Pop Culture History. She is a safe person to know. She and her husband Steve submitted a Medical Diagnostic to the NASA and Windows 10 Design Team #HackMars competition. She advocates for #SavingDorothy and #TeamEmpath still regularly. While she's waiting. Actively researching and documenting. And planning #AncestryTravel events to include long drives through the European and North American countrysides by or before the year 2030. She and her husband share their "off-grid emergency airbnb ready solo traveler emergency home" with their two dogs and two cats. The pet-friendly celebrity couples like to garden and to watch squirrels in the yard. She writes self-help literature to raise awareness about things like Autism Spectrum Disorders, Gluten Ataxia, Aphasia, PTSD, Anxiety Disorders Caused by Exposure to Trauma, Medication Sensitivities, Gluten Free Travel, Service Dogs and Therapy Pets, the USO Metro, and Crohn's Disease while advocating daily for global genetic testing and accurate reporting of C-PTSD as well as TBI issues.