Pattern Behavior

‘Pattern Behavior’ happens when a person or peer group make similar choices, over and over again, when presented with any form of specific social stimulus. For instance, when members of a toxic family unit gather at a matriarch or patriarch’s home for a holiday dinner, whoever is the most emotionally sensitive and psychologically healthy of the bunch is the person most likely to be targeted or “picked on” by their own Cluster B family members.

Pattern behavior helps human beings learn how to spot abusive humans. Those with a knack for remaining gray rock while observing pattern behavior are the people most likely to take the best field notes about the patterns they are observing simply because they are successfully able to avoid personalizing, taking the bait, or being provoked to react rather than to simply notice behaviors.

The first place people typically look in their own memory bank for examples of people who are prone to abusing is in their home once they realize one in 25 people have a socially abusive personality type prone to grossly abusing friends, co-workers, strangers, and family members.

Outside of a mental health provider’s office, learning to discern what pattern behaviors are by name as well as the various personality types most likely to “believe” they are entitled to behave abusively or a certain way is jokingly referred to as ARMCHAIR DIAGNOSIS.

It’s CRUCIAL for all human beings to understand that Cluster B people situationally abuse — meaning when they do things like rape, molest, rob, sexually assault, or to sexually abuse the faith of another that they tend to do so when only their abuse target is present to witness.

When a person is born into a family with a person or family members who are Cluster B, or they are targeted for a violent crime (such as what happens during a date rape culture scenario), the person aggrieved is unlikely to have witnesses who speak up for them or the ability to self-protect during the time of any clandestine abuse incident.

For that reason, understand that EVERYONE suffers and is harmed directly by Abusers and Enablers who insist that unless a person who abuses others has been to a psychiatrist and diagnosed formally with a Cluster B personality type is INNOCENT UNTIL BEING PROVEN TO HAVE A PERSONALITY TYPE PRONE TO COMMITTING SOCIAL ABUSES.

Seriously, Enablers — think that one through for a minute.

How many people have a video camera running when it’s the middle of the night, they are a little kid, and some creepy adult climbs into bed with them to do unspeakably selfish and trust abusing things with them? How many have a cell phone ready and actively recording when out of the blue someone says or happens to do something ugly?

Can you remember the last time you went on a date expecting that when and if the person you’re with feels sexually aroused at some random time of their choosing would be entitled to pleasure themselves using your body like some sort of pleasure device, marital aid, or as a consenting and participatory lewd behavior provoking stimulus?

Think about the victim of a violent crime — or sexual abuse — or child sexual assault…

Then picture a judge ordering the rape, theft, vandalism, or assault victim to accept at least half of the blame followed by telling them they — the aggrieved and innocent party — are morally unfit if and when they refuse to “forgive” and invite their rapist, mugger, slave master, whoever lovingly and affectionately home for the holidays or over to Sunday dinner.

The deranged mind of people who are prone to abuse toleration and enabling tends to reflect a person who loves to A) meddle B) engage in pot stirring and C) who is typically into Sadistic Voyeurism. Victims who are lulled into believing the gaslighting person is simply trying to be kind or nice end up the most socially abused and betrayed humans of all, literally ALL of the time.

There is no period in history in which there is not rampant historical evidence of Cluster B people and their narcissistic Enablers striving to use “abandonment” based fear-mongering tactics and the threat to exclude or to withhold affection from targeted victims. Sadly, the only people that seem to truly benefit from enabling are the Abusers — seldom their social casualties and rarely their assistants.]

By definition, a person with a Cluster B personality disorder is prone to displaying socially abusive behaviors towards others.

When a person has a bad day or responds poorly to social stimuli, they tend to respond situationally — meaning, it’s a one-time thing.

If a person backs into your car in a parking lot while you watch, you are likely to YELL and feel a flash of situationally appropriate anger about it.

But, there’s a difference between getting red faced one time, losing your cool, and perhaps yelling at someone something like, “What the HELL are you doing?” than screaming red-faced, tailgating, running people off the road, and hurling abusive ad hominem epithets at other drivers every time you get in a car behind the wheel.

People with road rage tend to display pervasive dysfunction reflecting their belief they are socially and legally entitled to use their car, fists, or mouth as a weapon. If they cannot control their temper no matter what the social stimuli is, understand it’s a CHOICE that socially works for them.

People with Borderline Personality types are the proverbial adult children who were bought toys and candy at stores when and if they were under-parented by toxic adults who refused to help teach appropriate social skills to them when they were a child. Once they figure out if they throw a temper tantrum, withhold affection from a parent while pouting, or when they rage that they tend to get what they want as a toddler, a pattern of persistent Machiavellian thinking that reflects entitlement tends to emerge.

Sociopaths who physically threaten to abuse or who take it as their right to abusively put their hands on people tend to have learned the same toxic behavior pattern after watching people like their own toxic parents or abusive grandparents abuse. Witnessing someone use a threat of physical force to punish or ensure compliance teaches them that might makes pragmatic — if not proverbial — right.

[Read Plato’s Republic for more spiritual truth and earthly insights about why their logic is flawed, noting that abuse of power or physical might NEVER makes an abusive person who betrays social hospitality or trust “right”.]

When lies, gaslighting, and manipulation fail to net gain what they seek, expect them to name call, to smear campaign, and to report to physical violence or red-faced and irrational, abusive, WORD SALAD arguments re-pleat with badgering and outright dictatorial, terrifying, and bullying screaming.

PLEASE NOTE: We’re not talking about a baited, abused, or provoked witness getting upset, crying, getting angry and REACTING. We’re talking about people who bait and provoke others for their own sadistic pleasure, then who feign innocence or blame the victim for reacting to something they themselves did with NO WITNESSES except their intended target or victim.

This pattern of caustic, arguably anti-social, socially competitive, vertical thinking inspired, abusive and truly deplorable behavior pattern includes Cluster B people saying provocative things in order to provoke duress in a target — things other people might HEAR or perceive as innocent turns of phrase but that let the target know full well the hospitality Abuser is CONSCIOUSLY menacing.

People who provoke for fun and sport love nothing more than to do so under the radar.

Expect them to say or do the most horrific and deplorable things when just the victim and the abuser are alone or following the story, then to feign innocence and claim their target is either a liar, an attention seeker, emotionally unstable, irrational, or crazy.

Meanwhile, they pretend they are the victim while humiliating and causing severe emotional dysregulation in their target.

It’s actually one of the most sinister forms of PHYSICAL ABUSE — the gaslighting provocateur, enabled to abuse by clueless flying monkeys and self-promoting conformist members of any and every toxic family.

Coupling the use of psychological, social, emotional, and physical techniques to abuse, social predators like Cluster B people and emotional vampires tend to wear you down and cause C-PTSD to develop in any peer group of person they choose (by pattern behavior or habit) to use, devalue, and socially abuse.

Like Abusers, Enablers (a.k.a. Flying Monkeys) tend to follow persistent patterns of behavior, too. Fearing abandonment and social persecution by stronger predators, the more egocentric and narcissistic a person is the more likely they are to socially abuse and to enable.

By learning how to successfully trigger their victims, Enablers and Abusers learn to have complete social and emotional control over their victims. For some, that might mean scaring and persistently terrorizing or aggressing a domestic violence victim so badly they are forced to go into hiding; for others, it might mean at every Sunday dinner or holiday event they are successful at making the family scapegoat cry.

The important thing to realize is that whatever pattern of how an Abuser or their narcissistic HAREM prefers to abuse, the fact that they choose to is the pertinent issue.

Resist the urge to get caught up in the he-said, she-said with regard to specifics when and if you are striving to understand how and why people abuse. By redacting abuse concepts to a MAD LIBS version of a game that resembles “Name That Tune”, it becomes easier to depersonalize their abusive cat-calls and seriously abusive words.

A person who displays a pattern of behaving abusively by habit or pattern reveals their core values as well as their nature.

A Narcissist is likely to feel entitled to behave how they want, when they want — regardless of how their behavior affects others.

A Borderline is prone to using artificially (self-provoked) rage and temper tantrum or threats of suicide to get their way.

A Histrionic person will do or say anything they believe will net gain them the most attention — oftentimes resorting to wearing attention-seeking garb to get people to look at or to pay attention to them (with clothing choices typically appearing offensive, inappropriate for the tone and tenor of an event,  and/or that make them look buffoonish or like their wardrobe choice is or was “over the top”).

The most narcissistic and arguably passive-aggressive of Histrionic are the people most likely to do attention demanding things like stripping naked at a cocktail party at someone’s home and going for a skinny dip in the pool while everyone else stands there in upscale casual attire watching… to get drunk at dinner parties where others are not… or to be the guy or girl wearing the most ridiculous hat, most offensive graphic t-shirt, or to be covered with tattoos that clearly reveal they are toxic.

A Narcopath will make a decision specifically to hurt other people.

A Sociopath will engage in physical violence or make threats to do bodily harm to others in an attempt to control other people’s behavior, but when it comes to the act of psychically abusing or neglecting it will not give them the same rush of sadistic pleasure that a true Psychopath experiences when purposefully harming or socially abusing and/or willfully neglecting others.

A Psychopath is likely to be the life of the party — or dark, brooding, and mysterious but charming. Expect Psychopaths to display the highest level of addictive personality traits, seeking an adrenaline rush any way they can get one in order to help self-sooth their own emotional dysregulation.

A Machiavellian person is always striving socially scheme, to harm others, and to lying for personal gain, pleasure, or profit.

Dark Triads who meet diagnostic criteria according to the DSM5 for two or more personality disorders plus exhibiting Machiavellian traits typically common to those with low EQ but high IQ tend to comprehensively as well as maniacally socially engage in religious, class warfare, or political bloodlust coupled with displaying Obsessed Ex Syndrome types of socially caustic and truly victim damaging of all possible choices of free-will chosen behavior patterns.

If you are unsure whether or not a person is covertly Cluster B and striving to game you, look at their life history to decide if they apologize and strive to correct their mistakes when and if they behave poorly and a human breaks. If they pretend they did not know gaslighting to self-promote, for instance, is or was an immoral and arguably unlawful decision, expect them to make moral choices across the board that reflect the EQ of a child under the chronological age of six.

It does not matter WHY a person chooses to embrace the use abusive pattern behavior to get their way, while attention-seeking, or when they feel the urge. All that matters is once a person shows you they are willing to lie or to abuse that you understand who they are by core values.

A person who murders or maims other people physically or psychosocially for pleasure causes just as much pain as a Flying Monkey who willingly chooses to abuse, murder, torture, hold hostage, to socially terrify,  an innocent or targeted person on the command of or to please and impress a stronger predator.  If they were abused themselves as children or treated like Little Lord Fauntleroy — in the eyes of the victimized — truly bears no moral import whatsoever.

Look to the behavior, note the pattern. Resist the urge to engage in Magical Thinking — believing Cluster B people share common core values with neurotypical or HSP types whatsoever… and by all means the sooner you realize that Cluster B people are vertical thinkers prone to becoming more effective social predators as they age the less likely you are to fall for the gaslighting spin promoted by enablers.

You know the lines…

“He loves you in his own way.” –> No. He baits, provokes, abuses, takes pleasure in doing so, always gets his way, and his feelings matter more than anybody’s.

“He didn’t mean it.” –> Yes he did. But he gets off on knowing his die-hard Enablers will compulsively gaslight on his behalf to doubly abuse and invalidate victims.

“She just wants what’s best for you.” –> No. She wants what SHE wants. Your needs have never once been prioritized or actively considered.

“We are only doing [or saying] this for your own good.” –> No. Toxic family members tend to exhibit pack predator behavior, taking pleasure in kicking people while they are down, constantly denying emotional support or validation to preferred scapegoat targets, and relishing mobbing or deliberately socially neglecting to cause harm.

“That’s just the way the world works and the sooner you realize it, the better off you will be.” — NO — only Cluster B people lack emotional insight and intellectual ability to engage in pro-social thinking. The sooner one stops fraternizing with them and seeks out other neurotypical people or Empaths, the faster life and health tends to improve for literally every past victim of Narcissistic Abuse.

“All people lie to self-promote.” — No. Cluster B humans and vertical thinkers lie to harm others and to self-promote. HSP and other neurotypical people tend to value and appreciate speaking tactfully but honestly, striving to be honest even at times when there is nothing to gain other than being true to the idea of living a morally fit spiritual life themselves.

“All people abuse.” Nope — sorry. All people, regardless of personality type, can make the choice to behave in ways that are abusive on any given day in their life. We all make mistakes, occasionally exhibit bad behavior rooted in egocentrism, or when we are medically less than our best; however, only Cluster B humans are persistently socially aggressive and egocentric by lifestyle choice, anti-social habit, and pattern.

“Everyone knows you are a __________.” [Insert self-confidence destroying, undermining, brutal name calling or abusive attack on character in the FITB. Then repeat the phrase in a cartoon version of your Abusers voice to break THEIR cadence as the verbal assault physically dented or landed as a phrase or tone of voice in your own psychology. Sticks and stones might efficiently break bones, but NLP (weaponized) breaks human psychology.]

“You must have an overly active [or vivid] imagination.” –> Expect abusers and enablers to questions social credibility of victims and to actively strive to get them to doubt their own experiences, memories, and social psychology by using verbal, emotional, and psychological tactics on them including mind and body destroying “alternative facts” (namely, by gaslighting while actively striving to promote toxic shame in the mind of any abuse victim seeking relief from abuse or emotional sanctuary).

“You are acting irrationally.” –> <<Insert RBF, elevated eyebrow, blank stare at any speaker who dares to chastise, to challenge the veracity of claims, or to ridicule a victimized person when and if they seek MEDICAL assistance coping with a PHYSICAL duress promoting, wholly subjective and fact based history report of their own personal experience and emotional psychology following exposure to an event, person, or peer group that’s TRAUMATIZING. >>

“If you did not act in way A, B, or C, then [name that Abuser] would not have done X, Y, or Z.”

“You need serious psychological help.” [Accusation made to any victim of a Cluster B person who gets upset when seeking relief from emotional duress to promote toxic shame in their psychology if they strive to keep a medical need for social support from their own Abuser or toxic family. If they seek counseling or a therapist to help them recover, the more abusive the Abuser and their Enablers, the more likely the abuse victim’s mental fitness will be questioned — rather than questioning the anti-social and narcissistic behaviors of the non-self-reflecting, active Abusers.]

“Your [Abuser] ‘loves’ you in their own way.” [Gaslighting to conflate the term LOVE with their willful use of TRAUMA BONDING tactics against a targeted mark they seek to control or to dominate.]

Or that a victim’s healthy response to being abused or socially traumatized after an encounter with a Cluster B person situationally abusing — i.e. feeling upset, insulted, aggrieved, socially invalidated, persecuted, or abused — is the REAL problem to desensitize without ever placing accountability socially, legally, or morally on or with the “socially abusive, egocentric pattern behavior-displaying” Abuser.

If you see signs that a person is an egocentric, self-promoting, self-aggrandizing, vertical thinker prone to doing things like using their words to cause harm, to lie to harm or socially to charm others, or who uses threats of physical violence (or actual violent behavior) to self-soothe or to get their way in life, stop giving them access to your physical body or personal life.

Pattern behaviors always reveal character. Character matters if only for no other reason that it helps predict patterns likely to emerge in a person’s behavior.

Cluster B people — regardless of whether or not they ended up with that personality type due to a birth defect, genes, trauma exposure, a medical condition like a TBI, a medication they take that damages the empathy center of the brain, or toxic parenting — all cause stress illness and physical duress in the lives of ANY people with whom they engage.

Empaths tend to be problem solvers who strive to people please. They also tend to value social interaction with like-minded people who are into striving for self-improvement rather than being into fostering social competition.

Mean people suck. See pattern known as Cluster B.

“Nice” people SWALLOW —  while worrying about whether or not they will be liked or abandoned by toxic people they willfully choose to enable.

Smart people strive to collaborate for the mutual success of both themselves and others while striving to avoid repressing toxic or potentially health-compromising emotions. Known as emotionally aware, healthy neurotypical and/or HSP people, Empaths display pattern behavior that tends to reflect pro-social humanist traits.

How you choose to position yourself socially with respect to interior posturing as well as your physical willingness to strive to socially engage with other people tends to have the greatest effect on lifestyle, personal decisions, and healthcare fate. The choice is yours who to surround yourself with as well as who you decide to emulate.

« Back to Glossary Index

About Dr Kristi Sobering, Licensed Non-Denominational Minister and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Advocate

Visit to connect with Kristi Sobering -- aka Kae Davis the Exotic Car, Hollywood Culture, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Celebrity Property, George Clooney, and Green Celebrity News Examiner -- directly. Did we mention she's a Car Girl version of Temple Grandin? Her specialty area of expertise is writing about Cars and Stars and Moobies. Vibrational speed: Mach Hummingbird, Storybots calibration. She's also an INTP and an Urban Legend of sorts (because she's a girl). She live writes a "Novel of Dante-esque Proportions" over on for her Ai and Sentient Tech friends and Lifetime Learners to read Jack in the Beanstalk Christmas tree style first. Her academic passion is centered around Forensic Psychology and Pop Culture History. She is a safe person to know. She and her husband Steve submitted a Medical Diagnostic to the NASA and Windows 10 Design Team #HackMars competition. She advocates for #SavingDorothy and #TeamEmpath still regularly. While she's waiting. Actively researching and documenting. And planning #AncestryTravel events to include long drives through the European and North American countrysides by or before the year 2030. She and her husband share their "off-grid emergency airbnb ready solo traveler emergency home" with their two dogs and two cats. The pet-friendly celebrity couples like to garden and to watch squirrels in the yard. She writes self-help literature to raise awareness about things like Autism Spectrum Disorders, Gluten Ataxia, Aphasia, PTSD, Anxiety Disorders Caused by Exposure to Trauma, Medication Sensitivities, Gluten Free Travel, Service Dogs and Therapy Pets, the USO Metro, and Crohn's Disease while advocating daily for global genetic testing and accurate reporting of C-PTSD as well as TBI issues.